This trip really began at the Northern Weekend in March 2007, when Mairi extorted my £5 deposit from me, “Pay up or else you can’t come!” in her own, inimitable Scottish style.

Hence my wallet blinked in shock, as it saw the light again, a rare event indeed, and I rather reluctantly handed over my 5 golden guineas, enquiring if perhaps she had a 10 shillings note as change?

Further details and some history of some earlier tours materialised at ELK, in Belgium a few months later over a Belgian beer or three! Mairi was intending to partner me (accommodation wise only – she said!!) off with David Kirkbright (DJK), who had been on a number of these trips before. I had also been on a number of these Continental tours previously, but only with Coventry branch, so I was a Scottish Tour virgin…..OK you can stop the sniggering in the back row! but it was very obvious that Mairi had her own, very definite views on how these trips should be organised.

I think that she got the wrong impression about me there though, some things called “black spots” were constantly being threatened! She was also saying things like she saw a need to separate DJK and myself as being a very bad influence on each other…I agree, it’s well past time that someone sorted him out!

Actually, Mairi telephoned me, one evening a few days before we were due to sail, and something she said then sticks in my mind “We look at this trip as being a holiday, so we want to make sure that everyone enjoys it!” Truthfully, I hadn’t ever really thought of this trip as being a holiday, which was definitely a new concept!

In my experience, these trips usually consist of a frantic rush around a series of Belgian, Dutch and German nurseries, with the aim of hoovering up as many desirable plants as you can, as fast as you can.

Anyway, late Thursday morning, I drove the 10 miles or so to DJK’s, loading a pile of boxes, plastic containers, newspapers, parcel tape, knife, kitchen sink and small travel bag… as per instructions, into the cavernous boot of his Jaguar XJ6, then off we went.

So we arrived at the Hull – Rotterdam ferry port at about 17.00 hrs to find them re-directing us to the Zeebrugge terminal and the multi-storey car park. Oh, we must be OK, I can see Chris and Dorothy Minors, quick, give them a wave but they’re busy getting on to a minibus, so they don’t see us. Up we go, park the car, hmmmm pay on entrance, Gosh - HOW MUCH!!!!, is that the parking fee for a day or a year?

Lug the boxes downstairs, and we board the coach. A mix of new and familiar faces, Mairi is looking hassled, but we’re about on time surely, it’s only 17.30?

DJK and myself force ourselves down to the backseat, hmmm, that’s interesting – look at the zones on the bus. Great and good at the front, then gradually slipping down the social strata, to the middle, and then a steady descent, until a precipitous drop to the rowdy bunch of the untouchables caste who are occupying the few seats at the back – a No Go zone, if you’re sane! Actually it’s all DJK’s fault, he offers the poor excuse, he’s so tall he needs an aisle to stretch his legs and unfortunately, it just looks like I’m guilty by association….. Hmmm, not bad though, there’s a spare seat next to me, and plenty of storage room - well, that’ll soon fill up with new acquisitions!

OK, everyone on board, right we’re off, at least as far as the entrance to the Hull Customs Shed anyway! Then a surprise, people selected at random, but not the reprobates from the back seats, to take themselves and their luggage for inspection off the bus……Hmmm! A physical search of these people’s bags, then a walk through the scanners and past the sniffer dogs….Why, is there an alert on, just what do they expect to find? Cannabis etc. is widely obtainable on the street in Holland, so why export any? And I’ve forgotten to pack my gold and diamonds…mine?, well they’re all Julie’s really, I have to do something with all that illicit money we’re busy laundering in SE England!!!

Finally, through the shed, drive around the corner, then it’s all off, up the stairs and escalators, through Customs – flash the passport and smile, then we’re boarding!

Locate our cabin then we’re there, pull down the bunks, dump the bags and go looking for a bar and some beer. You can tell the seasoned sailors as we meet up with many more of our party, oddly enough all seeming to have the same intention!!

Then the announcement, dinner is being served and we’re off downstairs at the speed of light and into the restaurant. I’ve said to DJK that I would not provide too many details of this meal, BUT….I think there might be an issue of public safety to consider? Do you really want to know? OK, well suffice it to say I had a salad starter and a main course, David had a similar starter and several main courses, then several desserts!

Back in the cabin, we find the bunks are not DJK sized, though mine was just right. Thankfully for DJK, Its lucky that Procrustus wasn’t around, otherwise he’d have been six inches shorter!

“Procrustus, was the Greek god who guarded the gates to Athens. Athens was the center of culture and power and beauty in ancient Greece, but to get there you had to pass by Procrustus and his bed. Whatever part of you didn't fit on his one size-fits-all bed, he chopped off. If you were too tall, your legs went. If you were too short, you got stretched”.

Day 2

The “voice” from the cabin loudspeaker wakes me up at about 6.00am, (there is no window) and so we’re off for an early breakfast. Getting close to our final berth, we pick up our bags and look for the way off…….30 minutes later, and having picked up some stragglers, we’re still looking for the way off! Ahhh go to the top of the boat, how? Oh right to the end, then up the stairs – OK! Hey we’re second, there’s only a wheelchair in front of us. Can we leave? NO!

Another 30 minutes later, we’re off, DJK and I race down the ramp and on to Dutch soil. Yippee, I’m through Customs first, then we’re out, where’s the coach?…..Oh, it’s not here yet. An hour later, we’re still sitting watching people eventually finding the disembarkation route, not easy when the verbal exit instructions are in Double Dutch!

As I’m not proposing to write a book, I’ll curtail this enthusiastic verbosity and now summarise my experiences of the nurseries.

1. De Herdt’s – our first mid-morning call, not easy to find, on an out of the village site, which looks a bit dilapidated now. Wow, some nice plants though, you need to look at the roof shelves as well! Expect a bit of a wait to pay and every plant to be individually wrapped in tissue, but that’s part of the culture. Anyway a chat about the difficulties of cultivating Mammillaria pennispinosa and some advice re taking the watering easy and I’m looking at their private collection. There’s some absolutely wonderful specimen plants of Ariocarpus, Obregonias and their ilk on the benches plus a newly laid out/planted central bed, so get that camera out!

I’m glad that I’ve finally seen this nursery, it was legendary 20-30 years ago in the high days of plant imports. It’s probably past its best today, but it must have been just magnificent in the 60s and 70s!

2. Cactus Flower, in Rumelt, is a new nursery for me, although I’d seen/purchased some wonderful plants that they were offering for sale at ELK, a year or so previously. Something for everyone is a fair description, a sizeable multi-bay greenhouse, it included several long benches of seedling plants, plus a bench of more mature plants, some rarities included, to attract the interested. In the middle, there were two boxes of about 15 Ariocarpus plants as well, they lasted about two minutes after DJK spotted them – being super tall is a significant advantage, when you’re in a competitive plant hunt and navigating around rolling benches!

Two boxes of acquisitions later, it’s time to browse their private collection, hmmm some very nice plants there as well. In hindsight, this was probably one of my favourite stopping points on this trip. There were lots of interesting things to see for the cactophile, but probably less so for the succulent /TCP fancier?

5. Piltz’s – another new nursery for me. It is difficult to categorise this one, but would I go back? Yes of course!

It’s not as large as some, being positioned on a corner site, with two large greenhouses. Again, it’s mainly cacti focused, having a mix of smaller and larger plants in the smaller, but still sizeable Sales house. I wanted to acquire a stunning specimen of Trichocereus chilensis, about 2 ft tall with the longest, hardest spines - 10 cm or more - that I’d ever seen. I wasn’t the only interested fancier though, but sanity finally prevailed – how could I ever get this spiny horror home? I really need to take the car over there and pick this up.

So memo to Ian, next time you want to drive to Brussels, take an extra day and pop into Duren, Germany. That would not be a hard decision though; he also has a wonderful private collection, in the larger house.

Really, I could have happily spent an entire day browsing here, especially at the Gymnos, rather than just the few hours of the late afternoon that our schedule dictated.

Day 4

6. Steinfeldt’s – New to me, it was a long drive to what I was promised was a plant supermarket, and that’s actually a fair description. Think of a medium-large sized Tescos or Sainsbugs superstore, filled with benches of plants of all sizes, usually clean and in good condition, few if any of them being expensive, and you’re close!

Frankly, it’s difficult to do this nursery justice. I just went up and down the rows and rows of benches, filling my supermarket trolley before heading back to the tills via a Plant Sundries area. Oh and yes, like every modern supermarket, they take plastic, so you can keep your stash of euro notes, so that “her indoors” believes you’ve been very stringent in your spending – Health Warning - don’t forget to intercept next month’s Card statement, when it arrives in the post. Don’t let them see– difficult questions might be asked!!